You Only Get One Chance to Make a Good Last Impression
If I recall correctly, one of Jordan Peterson’s Twelve Rules for Life is to stop doing things that make you weak. You should by extension stop doing things that make you feel weak, stop doing things that make you feel like a chump.
It occurred to me recently that I need to do a better job of bringing my conversations to a graceful and satisfying close. Any conversation is only as good as its conclusion, and few things can dash the experience quite like an awkward ending—and make a guy feel a bit like a chump.
This is one of most underrated marks of gentlemanly grace and courtesy and conversational skill. Even the best heart-to-hearts have a natural arc and expiration, a point at which the energy runs low and a lull is about to hit. To let the talk run longer than it should is to invite an awkward conversational ellipsis (“…”) at the end. At that point the parties are forced to tacitly admit that they have nothing else to say and it turns awkward.
Well, then…
So…
[Checks watch …]
All’s well that ends well, so a good conversationalist keeps his finger on the pulse of the moment and saves both people from the unwholesomeness of a conversation carried on too long. Sir Gawain, George Knightley, Richard the Lionheart, Baltasar Castiglione, James Bond, Rhett Butler—one thing they all have in common is that they wouldn’t turn into awkward chumps at the end of their conversations.
Specifics
So how does one do it? Specific instruction is always a difficult matter, and no surefire techniques will fit all occasions. But there are a few strategies that I mean to recommit to.
The best approach is to circle back to something that was discussed earlier in the exchange—a new job, promotion, the upcoming birth of a child, illness in the family, whatever. Revisit it. “Well, congrats again on the __________.” “You’ll have to keep me updated on your __________.” “Again, I’m sorry about to hear about your __________—I’ll keep you in my prayers.” These kinds of full-circle statements signal an intent to bring things to a gracious close and are nice segues to goodbyes.
To be a little more obvious about it, you might say something like: “I’m glad we got to catch up,” “It was good see you again,” or “Please give my best to your family.”
Or you can be still more obvious: “Forgive me, I must be moving along, but it was good seeing you” or “I’m sorry to cut this short, but I’ve got somewhere I need to be. Glad we could catch up.”
If you’re meeting someone for the first time, you might close the conversation by reminding yourself of your new acquaintance’s name. A lot of people will have forgotten. Something like: “Forgive me—I’m bad with names. Can you remind me again? It’s __________, right?” This makes for a good transition. “Glad to make your acquaintance. I hope to see you around.”
Again, you will need to personalize it for your style and situation, but these are a few ways we can spare others the awkwardness of a clumsy parting and make a good last impression.
One of the supreme rules of gentlemanliness is to never make another suffer awkwardness when it is in our power to avoid it. Awkwardness is the natural consequence of a lack of decisiveness. Those who pay attention to the energy of a conversation will develop a natural sense of when it ought to be closed out, and a little bit of decisiveness and skill will make all the difference.
Graceful partings leave all parties with a better impression of the other and set up future encounters for success. Anything that genuinely helps people think better of each other is inherently courteous. It’s Chadlike, aristocratic behavior.
https://thechivalryguild.substack.com/p/you-only-get-one-chance-to-make-a